There are days when my heart cries out for God, but my actions tell a different story. I long for closeness with Him, yet I find myself drifting… scrolling on apps, objectifying men, ignoring prayer, and letting my Bible collect dust. And afterward, I ask myself: Why do I keep doing the very things I don’t want to do?
Paul knew this struggle well. In Romans 7:15 he says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Even Paul, the man who spread the gospel to the nations, wrestled with this tension between flesh and spirit. That comforts me. It tells me I’m not alone.
The reality of backsliding
Backsliding doesn’t always happen with one big fall. Sometimes it’s little compromises. Sometimes it’s choosing distraction over prayer, comfort over Scripture, quick fixes over God’s presence. It sneaks up quietly until you realize your heart feels far away.
But here’s the truth: backsliding does not mean God has left me. His love doesn’t change when I stumble. He’s not pacing impatiently, waiting for me to finally “get it together.” He’s steady, patient, and ready to receive me the moment I turn my face back toward Him.
When Worship Breaks Through
Today at church, the worship team sang the song “Nothing Else” by Cody Carnes. The lyrics are simple, but they wrecked me. Right there in the middle of my backsliding, I fell to my knees and wept. My friend held me as I cried, and all I could think was: “Lord, I just want You. Nothing else. Nothing else will do.”
That moment reminded me of the prodigal son. He came home dirty, broken, and empty-handed, but the Father ran to him anyway. That’s what God does for us. Even when we’ve wandered, He meets us in the middle of our mess and pulls us back with love.
Taking a gentle step back
Closeness with God doesn’t always start with giant leaps. Sometimes it starts with one small step. For me, I’ve decided on a rhythm: One Verse, One Prayer.
One verse a day.
One prayer in response.
It doesn’t have to be long or perfect. It just has to be real.
For example:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
Prayer: “Jesus, I’m weary. Give me Your rest.”
That’s it. And slowly, those little steps build a path back into His presence.
Closing prayer
Father, Thank You that Your love is steady even when my heart wanders. Thank You for meeting me in worship, for reminding me that nothing else will ever satisfy but You. Draw me close again, Lord. Help me take one step at a time, until my whole heart is resting in You. Amen.
Scriptural Musings with Booferchick 