I Am His

I didn’t always understand this kind of love.

Back in 2016, my grandma was on hospice. And instead of being afraid of dying, she couldn’t wait. She kept talking about being with Jesus like it was something she was looking forward to.

At the time, it confused me. Because if I knew I was dying, I would’ve been terrified.

I didn’t understand how someone could face death with peace, let alone anticipation. It didn’t make sense to me… and if I’m being honest, it’s one of the things that led me to start opening my Bible more. I was curious. I wanted to understand what she had that I didn’t.

And now, years later, I finally get it.

There’s a moment in Scripture where a woman pours perfume on Jesus’ feet. In John 12:3-8 it says she anointed His feet and wiped them with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. Some people criticized her and said it was a waste.

But Jesus responded by defending her.
“Leave her alone…”

He saw her love, and He received it.

And something about that hit me deeper than I expected. Because it wasn’t just about the act. It was about her heart.

And I realized… I feel that too.

Not in a dramatic or performative way, but in a quiet, overwhelming way that I don’t always have words for.

I love Him.

There are moments where I just sit there and feel it. Like I wish I could physically hug Him. Like I wish I could just fall into His arms and stay there.

And I know that might sound strange to some people. But if you know Him, you know exactly what I mean.

It’s not about chasing a feeling.

Because I know love isn’t just a feeling. Love is a choice. It’s obedience. It’s showing up even when I don’t feel like it. It’s turning away from things I know aren’t good for me. It’s choosing Him in my daily life.

But sometimes… He gives me moments where I feel it too. And those moments don’t replace obedience. They remind me why I choose it.

I think that’s what my grandma had. She wasn’t excited about death. She was excited about who she was going to see.

And now I understand that kind of longing.

Not in a way where I want to escape my life… but in a way where my heart knows where it belongs.

I’m His.

And that changes everything.

~~*~~

Lord,
Thank You for loving me first. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me in ways I didn’t understand before.
There was a time when I was confused by this kind of love… but now I see it. Now I feel it. And I don’t want to take it for granted.
Teach me to love You not just with my feelings, but with my life. Help me choose You daily, even when it’s hard, even when I don’t feel it. Guard my heart from chasing emotions, and instead root me in truth.
But also… thank You for the moments where I do feel Your closeness. Those moments mean more to me than I can express.
Remind me that I am Yours. Not because of anything I’ve done, but because You chose me. And as I walk through this life, help me live in a way that reflects that truth. I love You.
In Jesus’ name I pray,
Amen.